existentialism....

sitting in a crowd of new friends i was suprised to find myself listening to the thoughts behind existentialism. ok as theories go it has its points. kind of lacks the colour and fantasy element that adds sparkle to the mundane though, for me that is. apparently thats because i live in a dream world i have created to avoid reality.

i'm happy to let anyone have their beliefs but struggle with the proselytising that seems to go with it. just because i choose to live my life my way should not be taken as a sign i am a lamb who has lost her way. far from it. my life is lived as i want it. whether it appears real or false matters not a jot. for me its like decorating your home; you want to be comfortable and make your home an oasis dont you?

to my mind there is so much ugliness that a little fluffy mixed with masses of passion makes sense. if im in good shape then im better able to help my family, friends and with whats left extended family. so what if i choose to believe in the easter bunny and plunge baths? one is certainly more innocent than the other but both are guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.

could i take on board the idea that outside our life there s nothing; that emotion is the result of electrical pulses in our brains? of course, i once had blind faith in a mystery being called god so a vacuum of nothing could work just as well. im bright and well read enough to know there are choices.

in the face of these erudite grown ups who seemed to gain comfort from the lack of anything magical; who bridled at the mere suggestion of faith, spiritualism, alternative reality, fantasy and the easter bunny, did i fold? i may have taken the simple route of you have your reality, i have mine bu the cut off my retreat. apparently theirs is the only reality, mine was false and they need me to see that. sound familiar?

i love blackcurrant squash and have always put the water in my glass before the blackcurrant. its how i do it, i think that the squash is better distributed by gravity. in my mind that works. but no thats wrong. i could if i wished keep doing it my way but only if i accepted that actually it was better putting the squash in first!

so what. i dont care. you have your way and maybe scientifically youre right. however my way makes me happy and affects no one. dissidence on that level is not the butterfly wing tsunami. worth a row? no. let them live in their reality. i like mine better. passion, love, colour, music, emotion, dreams fantasies, they are in my reality.

the straw that broke the camel's back...the suggestion that plunge baths may not exist. i flipped, that dream has been a stalwart of my wank bank and i will not give it up without a fight.. curiously they retreated in the face of my anger. seems they were mistaken.

also seems to me that my reality trumped theirs for being that much more real; for being promoted with heart and soul. so in the end passion, electrical or not, for whatever we believe in will always triumph over sterile, soulless realities.

i choose how i live and love life with all the trimmings, specially the one with the players stripping off and jumping into the bath....yum!